Hard work has a future...

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/one_liners.htm

If someone with multiple...

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/one-liners-jokes

You know you're really drunk...

You know you're really drunk if you can't lie on the floor without holding on.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/one-liners-jokes

Why can`t a blonde ...

Q. Why can`t a blonde dial 911?
A. She can't find the eleven

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/one-liners-jokes

Man who stands on...

Confusius say,"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."